Where Your Mind Goes

There is an old saying that goes, “What you focus on expands.” It sounds simple, maybe even a little too simple, but there is actually a great deal of science and philosophy sitting underneath that idea.

One place to start is with something commonly referred to as Hebb’s Law: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” In simple terms, the brain strengthens the connections it uses most often. The thoughts we rehearse, the emotions we revisit, and the patterns we repeat can become easier for the brain to access over time. That should get our attention.

If I spend my days looking for what is wrong, replaying frustrations, anticipating problems, and focusing on disappointments, I am not simply having a bad day. I may also be practicing a way of thinking. The more frequently I use that pathway, the easier it becomes to travel down it again. Eventually, negativity can become less of a response and more of a habit.

The opposite is also true. When we intentionally notice something good, express gratitude, recognize progress, celebrate someone else, or simply stop long enough to appreciate what is working, we are practicing a different pathway. We are teaching our minds where to go.

Psychology gives us another way to understand this through what we might call the cognitive distortion cycle. Our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings influence our behavior. Our behavior often reinforces the thoughts that started the cycle.

Think about how quickly that can happen. A colleague walks by without saying hello. One person thinks, “They must be upset with me.” That thought creates anxiety. The anxiety changes the next interaction. Maybe the person becomes distant or defensive. The colleague senses that distance and responds differently. Suddenly, the original assumption feels confirmed. Yet the colleague may simply have been thinking about the lesson they were going to teach upon returning to their classroom. The event did not necessarily create negativity. The interpretation did. This is why attention matters so much.

There is another popular phrase: “Where attention goes, energy flows.” Whether we are talking about neuroscience, psychology, mindfulness, or simply lived experience, the message is remarkably similar. What we continually feed with our attention tends to occupy more space in our lives.

Marcus Aurelius expressed a related idea centuries ago when he wrote about the relationship between our thoughts and the quality of our lives. The Stoics understood something we still wrestle with today. We cannot control every event around us, but we have far more influence over the interpretation we give those events.

Schools give us plenty of material to practice on. There will always be a difficult conversation, an unexpected problem, a challenging student, a frustrated parent, a deadline, a change in plans, or something that simply does not go the way we hoped. The question is not whether negative things will happen. They will. The question is whether we allow those things to become the only things we see.

So here is my challenge this week. Notice what you are noticing. Catch yourself and alter your thoughts to a student who improved, a colleague who helped, a lesson that worked, a parent who said thank you, or a moment that made you laugh. You are not ignoring reality. You are training your attention to see all of it. Sometimes, changing what we focus on is the first step toward changing what we find.  

Until next time... 

#MakeAnImpact 

The Home Stretch

There is something about the end of a school year that feels different from every other finish line. It is not just one event. It is all of them stacked on top of each other. Promotion ceremonies. Awards assemblies. Final meetings. Discipline clean-up. Parent questions. Student emotions. Staff exhaustion. Last-minute reports. Graduation speeches. Classroom clean-outs. The final bell. The final goodbye.

Then, in the middle of all of that, life keeps happening. This past Friday, schools were released for the summer. My son graduated from high school. It should have felt like a clean and beautiful ending. In many ways, it was. But it came after one of the most fatiguing three-week stretches I can remember. By the final week, everyone was running on fumes. Students were done. Staff were tired. Parents were juggling schedules. Administrators were trying to hold all the pieces together. We had reached the home stretch.

The problem with the home stretch is that it can fool us. We can see the finish line, so we convince ourselves we do not need to slow down. We tell ourselves we can push just a little harder. We can make it a few more days. We can skip the rest. Skip the meal. Skip the walk. Skip the water. Skip the pause. After all, we are almost there. But almost there is not the same as there.

At my son’s graduation, my 93-year-old father came to watch his grandson walk across the stage. It was hot. The bleachers were full. The ceremony was underway. Families were cheering, phones were recording, names were being called, and the evening carried all the pride and joy that a graduation should carry. Then my father collapsed in the bleachers from heat stroke. EMTs had to come into the stadium and remove him on a gurney during the ceremony. It was scary. It was emotional. It was one of those moments where everything around you keeps moving, but your own world suddenly stops. All because he had not had enough water. Water.

Something so simple. Something so ordinary. Something completely available. Yet when neglected, it became the difference between being present for a celebration and being carried out of it. Thankfully, my father made a full recovery. My son still graduated. We made it through the ceremony. And by the time the weekend arrived, we all slept well. Deeply. The kind of sleep that comes not only from physical exhaustion, but from emotional release.

But I have not stopped thinking about that moment. Because in many ways, it was a perfect picture of what happens to so many of us in education, leadership, parenting, and life. We push. We serve. We show up. We carry responsibility. We tell ourselves that people are counting on us, so we keep going. We take care of the students. We take care of the staff. We take care of the families. We take care of the program, the event, the schedule, the crisis, the expectation. Then somewhere along the way, we forget to take care of ourselves. And sometimes, the thing we need is as basic as water. 

Self-care is often talked about like it is a luxury. A spa day. A vacation. A quiet morning with coffee. Those things can certainly help, but real self-care is often much more practical. It is drinking water before sitting in the heat. It is eating before the long day begins. It is going to bed instead of sending one more email. It is taking a walk when your mind is overloaded. It is saying no when your body has already said enough. Self-care is not selfish. It is stewardship.

If we do not take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others? If we run ourselves into the ground, how can we be fully present for the people we love? If we ignore our own limits, how can we expect to lead with wisdom, patience, compassion, and clarity? The truth is that fatigue changes us. It shortens our patience. It clouds our thinking. It makes small problems feel large and large problems feel impossible. It causes us to react when we should reflect. It can take the joy out of moments that deserve to be celebrated. 

That is why self-pacing matters. Pacing does not mean we are weak. It means we are wise enough to know that life is not a sprint. Even the home stretch requires strategy. Runners do not finish strong by pretending their bodies do not need oxygen. They finish strong because they understand rhythm, breath, recovery, and timing. Educators need that same wisdom.

The end of the school year will always be busy. Graduation season will always be emotional. Leadership will always carry weight. Family milestones will always come with both joy and stress. We cannot eliminate the demands, but we can become more intentional about how we move through them. We can drink the water. We can take the break. We can ask for help. We can step into the shade. We can recognize that being there for others begins with being well enough to stand beside them.

My father wanted to be there for my son, and he was. That matters. His presence mattered. But the lesson from that night was clear. Love and commitment are powerful, but they do not replace the basic need to care for ourselves.

As we enter summer, I hope we allow ourselves permission to recover. Not because the work was unimportant, but because it was important. Not because we are finished caring, but because we want to keep caring well. Not because we are stepping away from our purpose, but because rest helps us return to it with strength.

The school year ended. My son graduated. My father recovered. We all slept. And somewhere in all of that, there was a reminder worth carrying forward. Take care of yourself. Drink the water. The people you love still need you in the bleachers.

Until next time…